Why hasn’t he popped the question?
Is it just me… or everyone seems to be getting married? There’s not a week that goes by on my Instagram news feed without seeing congratulatory wedding/marriage messages #weddingflow, #engaged, #Weturntupforwedding #happymarriedlife etc. Whilst I do congratulate those that have found their life partners and wish them a happy and blissful marriage, I thought I’d put something together for the ladies whether single or in a relationship who believe they also are ready for that big step but simply waiting to be asked the big question.
See I believe there are 4 phases we men fall into that ties closely into why we have not yet popped the question. The phases are: The Explorer, The Waiter, The Hustler and The Man. As a woman, understanding these phases, and which one a man fits into might help figure out how long you might have to wait, or if he’s at all worth waiting
The Explorer – The Explorer also known as the ‘fun guy’ is the man who believes there is still a lot more he needs to experience in life, and the concept s of marriage would be an hindrance. The Explorer is generally a ladies man, and people are drawn to him. He’s smooth, lavish and ultra-romantic but also unfaithful, impatient and evasive. Sex is very high on his list of ‘needs’, and that is the winning prize
His main weapon is his tongue – sugar coated, full of flattery, lies and deceit, always full of compliments, jovial and very funny which would make him seem like the ideal type to marry. But be careful, accepting a ring from The Explorer will make a beautiful wedding but a miserable marriage filled with tears and lonely nights. The best way to avoid The Explorer is to build a relationship based on friendship, as opposed to just attraction and emotions.
The Waiter – The waiter is the man ready to commit to marriage but either waiting for something in his relationship to get right or waiting for something better to come along. You might say, why wait, why not just leave? The Waiter is generally a faithful and patient individual, very cautious and requires things in order before he proceeds. He will not take a decision until he’s absolutely certain within himself.
‘The Waiter’ has certain expectations, which you’re clearly not yet meeting but due to his patience, he will give you enough time to get it right. If after many attempts, his needs are still not met, he will emotionally withdraw from you and start waiting or looking for someone better to come along. He might break off the relationship or still with you out of comfort and familiarity but you’ll not get 100% from him. You can always tell because you’ll notice the spark leave the relationship.
A key thing with ‘The Waiter’ is to assess whether their expectations are realistic for you, as they are good life partners with whom you get security and love. If you find you cannot meet their expectations, simply break off the relationship – if he’s for you, he will find his way back, this time as ‘The Man’.
The Hustler – The hustler is the man who is predominantly focused on his career and making money. His strengths are also his weaknesses… he is a determined, faithful and focused individual but mainly to his career and you’ll play second fiddle until his ambitions are achieved.
Being in a relationship with ‘The Hustler’ can be quite tedious, you will never have his full attention or presence, yet he expects your consistent understanding and support. The Hustler tend not to do relationships because they understand they do not have the time required to sustain one. Accepting a ring from ‘The Hustler’ is almost as bad as the explorer, a beautiful wedding, lots of money but many lonely nights.
The Man – The man is the one who loves you and believes you’re everything to him, you have made enough effect in his life that he realizes the emptiness or void there’d be if you were to leave. He’s your man 100%, he’s not looking for anything more but you. He understands the role of a man in marriage – A leader, protector, provider and lover.
He’s working hard to be competent in that role, so he is equipped well enough to be a good husband and eventually a good father. The only thing you can do is be patient, share his vision and encourage him to become the man he needs to be.
These phases are not necessarily permanent and therefore subject to change over time. Ideally it would be nice to have ‘The Man’, but life and love isn’t always ideal; truth is for one reason or the other you can find yourself with a man in any of these phases, the good thing is you reserve the right to decide for yourself what you’re willing to accept and for how long. The key thing is to base your relationship on friendship; let him know your expectations and ambitions.
Do not get blinded by the glitz and glam of wedding ceremonies; it’s a one day event, after which you have ahead of you the reality of the path you have chosen. Marriage is a life-time commitment; if pushed or compelled any man can buy a ring, propose and give you a wedding, but that wouldn’t necessarily make them a good life partner. So pay attention to securing a man that has heart for you and only you, focus on making ‘The Man’ the man he needs to be and when the time is right, without compelling or fuss you will get your ring and most importantly a happy marriage.