Why good women still get treated badly…
Too many times, women wonder why it is that even when a man has a seemingly good woman; one that’s beautiful, intelligent, ambitious, and treats him like a king, he still under appreciates and disrespect her.
I’m going to let you in on a man’s thought process here. From my observation it is usually one or both of 2 reasons:
Reason 1: The phase he currently is in his life
The phase a man is in his life determines what he will do with you. Ladies, you may not want to accept this, but the reality is not every man regardless of how he looks or makes you feel is ready or available for commitment. I’ve already touched on this in a previous blog: ‘Is he really into you?’ please check it out.
Reason 2: How much he feels you’re worth and how much value he feels you can bring to his life
I’ve come up with 3 groups, and which of the groups a man places a woman determines how he sees her and acts towards her.
- The Low Costers
This is the woman who’s yet to figure out herself, and believes her worth is in what other people tell her. She needs a man’s attention to feel validated; rather than her worth, she depends on her looks and body as tools for attraction. The more attention she gets, the more relevant she feels.
Men find it easy to play on the insecurity of the Low Coster; giving her all the attention she needs, so much so that she confuses it for real feelings. Whilst she’s catching feelings, he is fulfilling his desires and fantasies with her and once he get bored, he keeps it moving. With social media these days, it’s so easy to connect with Low Costers; men can presume who they are by their pictures/ videos and are sliding into their Dms like never before.
Finding love can be tough on Low Costers; they are most times on an emotional rollercoaster. It’s not that they don’t have any value to offer, but because they are not certain of their worth, they accept being treated how the man feels as long as they are getting the attention they need to feel relevant.
- The Discounters
This is the woman who knows her worth and can add good value to a man, but most times she allows her feelings and emotions to get the best of her, therefore she’s willing to compromise her values if it makes her more appealing to who she feels is right for her.
The Discounter is quick to catch feelings and men have an inner detector for this. Starting out, we are sweet and charming; treating her the way she wants to be treated. This is to arouse her emotions because we know her feelings tend to cloud her judgement. Once she starts feeling us, we begin pushing our personal agenda through whether or not it is in line with her values.
The Discounter finds herself investing a lot into dating and medium-term relationships without much luck. Men will play on her feelings to see how much compromise we can get out of her; the more compromises she makes the less we feel she’s worth, subsequently impacting how she’s treated.
Despite the value the discounters have to offer, they still go through a lot of heart breaks and disappointments because men mainly see their compromise and not their value.
- The High Enders
The High Ender knows her worth and the value she can add to a man. She is comfortable and completely confident in who she is and what she has to offer. She therefore doesn’t compromise her values.
It does take a long time for the High Ender to get into relationships, because she holds herself in high regards and won’t settle for anything below her standards. Also she’s not shy to let the wrong guy go if he does not see her value or he’s not contributing to her.
Being a High Ender requires a great deal of patience; most of the men that approach her are window shoppers who only want to take a look but cannot afford her worth, or ones who are looking for her to compromise her values so she becomes a discounter. If the High Ender is patient enough, her right guy will come along; one who appreciates her worth, respects her values and treats her accordingly.
Some women adapt their characters and personalities because they feel it will help attract certain types of men or affect a man’s feelings towards them. I’d say, rather than adapting yourself to suit a man, your energy would be better spent knowing and developing your worth as well as the value you can bring to the table. This way, you won’t be afraid to walk away from any situation that devalues your worth.
Although you cannot control how someone will treat you, but you are in control of what you accept and as the saying goes ‘What you accept is what will continue’.
Thanks for reading. I would love to read your thoughts and stories, so please comment below.