Physical Attraction in Relationships – ‘When you love someone, should it matter how they look?’

‘Joshlovetalk – My partner keeps telling about the need to look a certain way so we find each other physically attractive. I believe relationships should be about love and when you love someone it should not matter how they look, what do you think?’ – Sarah T

I feel there are 2 main perspectives when it comes to this topic;

  • On one hand you have the people who feel that relationships should be about connecting with the other person on a deeper level and loving them for who they are as a person. This group of people pay minimum attention physical attraction and tend to focus mainly on personality, with the view that if you truly love the person you are with, it should not matter how they look.
  • Whilst on the other hand, you have the ones who see love and attraction as two separate things and feel both things should be worked on to enjoy a fulfilled relationship. These people tend to pay attention to how they look and make a conscious effort to look as good as possible for their partners, whilst still working on the love aspect.

I would say I belong to the second group; I get this might make me sound shallow but I completely think physical attraction although a very minor part of the whole relationship, is still very much needed. Don’t get me wrong, I 100% agree that love should be unconditional and our feelings should not only centre or be driven by the physical.

I know there are people in the second group who have beautiful relationships and would argue that the physical will always fade away. Absolutely! Naturally as good relationships evolve, the personalities become more important anyway and the physical less so. but does that mean it should be overlooked? Surely if I’m looking at my partner and not stimulated, I’d feel something is missing and address it.

To answer the question, where there is true love, how your partner looks should matter less but not completely overlooked. I feel that love and attraction are two different things and should complement one another to make the relationship fun, exciting without lacking substance. The thing about long-term relationships is that it is very easy to get complacent after a while. Even though the couples love each other, it could still become a routine – repetitive and boring, which cause so many people to step outside their relationships in search for excitement. If you think about it, people rarely cheat for lack of love but rather hunt for adventure and stimulation, which is what physical attraction brings.

Also for a lot of men, physical attraction matters to us because we are visual creatures and stimulated by what we see. So naturally most of us would need attraction as part of our relationship.

Ideally we want to have a healthy combination of attraction and love in our relationships, so both parties are not just in the relationship out of necessity. I was speaking with a colleague of mine who gave what I thought was an interesting perspective. She said she said when you’re single, you are not responsible for anyone so you can look however you want. When in a relationship though, your partner becomes your responsibility, how you look should matter and stimulate your partner. What I’ve found is a lot of people tend to do this the other way round.

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