DATING APPS: COULD DATING APPS INCREASE YOUR CHANCES OF FINDING A RELATIONSHIP? (PART 1)

DATING APPS: COULD DATING APPS INCREASE YOUR CHANCES OF FINDING A RELATIONSHIP? (PART 1)

This topic came out from a conversation I was having with a friend. She was asking about my opinion on whether dating apps could help increase her chances of finding a relationship.

As I’ve never used dating apps, I could not give a direct answer. So I thought it would be a good idea to interview some actual users and post their thoughts before giving my views.

Please see responses below:

JAMIE

How long have you been/ were you on the dating app?

On Bumble – was on it bout 3 months

What was your motive?

I was looking to meet new people, find a girlfriend ideally, got past the stage of talking to people for the sake of it and having shit conversations that were leading nowhere

Your Experience  

The challenging part of using dating apps is having sh** conversations, talking to people with no banter and people that don’t try to make conversations.

My highlight was finding my girlfriend on bumble, was going to delete it until she popped up so it happens when you least expect it.

Overall view of dating apps

I like them, don’t expect to find anything on them though and Tinder is sh** and full of weirdos.

EMILIA

How long have you been/ were you on the dating app?

4 – 5 years

What was your motive?

I always wanted something serious.

Your Experience

Most challenging thing for me was debating whether the guy really looked like them in the photos, trying to figure out what to write in my bio without sounding too weird or not me. Whether he’s a player or not and wondering if the guy you liked the look of is your ‘dream’ guy.

My not so great moments – the feeling of waiting for someone to reply because they could just ignore you forever. When the person you’ve been talking to turns out to be not the person you’ve made up in your head.

All that said, I found the guy of my dreams on Tinder! 

Overall view of Dating Apps

I’m on the fence with dating app. I love them because I would’ve never met my partner in a million years and it opened so many doors to people I’d never meet just at a bar. However, it also makes you feel like sh** when you don’t have any matches or no one is talking to you.

I remember being on an emotional rollercoaster.  One minute I’m super happy because someone is talking to me then the next I’m low because they’ve stopped. The chats were mainly short lived and only had a “spark” momentarily like a sparkler. I was constantly searching for that feeling of being loved and wanted. I became really tired of the searching.

It definitely ‘toughened’ me up and I ended up not caring if anyone didn’t speak to me, I came to terms with ‘if they don’t like me they’ll be someone who does but until then I’ll keep a small guard up so I wouldn’t get hurt.’

MAYA

How long have you been/ were you on the dating app?

I was on Tinder at university for a couple of months [in 2015] and then tried Bumble earlier this year for a few weeks too.

What was your motive?

Just looking around really– having moved to London only last year, it was also a way to get to meet different people.

Your Experience

The most challenging parts of using the apps is that it becomes so easy to judge everything on looks – before you get to know their personality you assume if you will like them. Also, unless you have mutual friends you can literally meet complete strangers; then you question how safe it is! You hear all these horror stories and you do have it in the back of your head at times.

My not so great moments – You have to acknowledge that a large proportion of people who do use dating apps are using it solely for hook-ups, so if you are looking for something a bit more serious you do need to take it with a pinch of salt. I went on a couple of dates earlier this year through Bumble and they were definitely only in it for one thing!

Overall view of dating apps

The app is definitely a great way to meet people when you can see you have mutual friends as it gives you some common ground. It’s also good for your confidence to put yourself out there and get to know new people.

STEVE

How long have you been/ were you on the dating app?

First signed up back in Oct 2014 for a few weeks when was travelling. It was a great way to meet people. Split up with my girlfriend 4 months ago so thought might as well get back out there.

What was your motive?

Just fun, it didn’t have to be hooking up.

Your Experience

Overall positive. One of the Tinder dates became a friend, we meet for dinner from time to time. I have met someone who only speaks Spanish which helps me with learning the language.

There is no denying it can knock your confidence as well as making you feel great at the same time. The act of “swiping” feels so inhumane at times however that’s the purpose of the app.

What happens when you match with someone, well the man has to start the conversation, but what do you say? Sometimes you just want to be normal and say ‘hey, how you doing”, however a quick Google search sees articles telling you that you have to be interesting, funny, etc to stand out. Sometimes you match and think you’ve delivered a killer opening line and then they don’t respond. Sometimes they do and then nothing. When they do respond though then the back and forth messages start and you see where it goes. I think the popularity of dating apps is they fit around your hectic life and almost you can be a bit lazier about the dating game. I’m 35 and the app fits my lifestyle.

It’s great you can meet so many interesting people and you can almost tailor your interests. Sometimes you meet someone and you’re like “ah you’re not quite what I thought” and that could be looks, accent, personality etc.

Overall view of dating apps

Positive. Don’t get me wrong you do feel low sometimes as to meet people you need to spend time on the app and it can be a soulless experience. Then you match with loads and you feel like you’re hot property, but you’re just essentially speaking with someone online. However right now it works for me. Is my goal to find “the one” through the app? Not really. My expectations are quite low however you’re only human and you can get quite carried away with it all.

The skill, bravery and fun of walking up to someone and starting a conversation, that spur of the moment, those impulsive conversations might be dying as a result of these apps (maybe).

LINDA

How long have you been/ were you on the dating app? 

9 months

What was your motive?

Looking around

Your Experience

The most challenging parts of using the app is how superficial and impersonal it makes us become, also how it can have the ability to knock the confidence of others

Not so great are the rejections and also the need to reject a few weirdos post dates (one tried to add me on LinkedIn 3 years after we had 2 dates!)

My highlight is meeting my husband that I can say with certainty I wouldn’t have met without the app.

Overall view of Dating Apps

It can create beautiful, funny and everlasting memories with people you never would have had the chance to interact with without it, but take it with a pinch of salt and avoid hanging all of your hopes and dreams on it. Still remember to live and date and enjoy your time outside of apps! I’ll never forget going to a bar and seeing about 65% of people glued to their dating apps rather than living in the moment. Enjoy your time being single with friends, you’ll want to think back on the memories and laughs you shared positively rather than the pressure you felt under to find the several men who would end up becoming Mr right now before the real deal.

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Personally I have gained lots of insight from putting this post together and would be sharing my thoughts on the next post so please look out for that.

In the meantime, it would be great to hear about your experiences and views on whether dating apps could increase the chances of finding a relationship. Please feel free to share in the comments below or email me directly @ hello@joshlovetalk.com.