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Are you dating someone that could be your ideal partner, but things aren’t progressing as expected? You keep giving all you have but each time you take a step forward with them, something drags you 3 steps back.

If you can relate to the above, I’d say you’re dating or investing in someone that’s good but not right for you.

The good person like the right person tends to have the qualities we want in our future partner. We’re drawn to their vibes and share amazing chemistry with them. Few days in, we’re day texting and late night talking, disregarding the fact we have to get up for work in 3 hours. Few weeks in and we’re full of smiles and expectations of what could be. In our minds, we’re convinced that this must be it.

We get to this beautiful space with this ‘God sent’ being where we drop our guards and comfortable being vulnerable with our feelings. It is at this point, things take weird turn.

The calls are no longer as long or consistent. The message response now taking days instead of minutes. Dates are being cancelled because this person has all of a sudden become super busy. They do just enough to keep us guessing.

You’d think most of us would walk away like the strong person we portray ourselves to be on social media. Instead, we cling on to the hope that this good person must be right. So, we start making excuses and putting up with BS. After all, they were this good person once.

A very long time ago, I learnt (albeit the hard way) that because someone has been good does not mean they are right for you.

Here are some ways you can tell if someone is not right for you.


This is a common red flag we tend to ignore when dating someone we’re attracted to. We get blinded by how ideal we believe they are, convincing ourselves that they will change their mind further down the line.

I have experienced firsthand and spoken with people who after months of investing and hoping to get a relationship are told, “I told you at the start I am not looking for anything serious”.

If you’re looking for a relationship, please note that “going with the flow” or “let’s see how things work out” is not a relationship status and certainly not enough ground for investing. No matter how leng you think they are, I’d suggest saving your investment for someone that is at least on the same page as you.


If you meet someone that’s cancelling and cannot make time for you because they are ‘too busy’, I strongly advise that you cancel them immediately.

You might think I’m being harsh. They may even be truly busy – demanding jobs, hectic life etc. Again, I repeat cancel them!  If their life is so busy, then they should not be dating. Dating and relationship requires time and effort. Someone that cannot make time for you has no space for you in their life.

I believe that people choose to make time for things or people they consider to be a priority. If someone is saying they cannot make time for you because they are chasing a career, or their life is demanding. In my opinion, what they are really saying is that you are not on their list of priorities and they can/will only fit you in when it’s convenient. Why would you want to invest in a place where you’re not a priority?

The telltale sign is when they start cancelling plans or only make time to see you on their own terms and convenience.


Dating someone that’s not right gives off the illusion that you’re in a relationship. So, you end up making investments meant for a relationship in a non-relationship situation.

The problem with investments is that we become attached to them. For this reason, people find themselves in a ‘situationship’ for months or even years. Hoping that one day their investment will yield a return.

It is rare that people will change when the situation is serving them. Remember they are getting relationship benefits without the responsibility, so what would be their motivation to change?

If you are in a situationship, my advice is that you cut your loss and walk away. It is better to start afresh, and find someone that’s able to give you the love and relationship you deserve.


The worst sets of people to invest in are the ones that are not emotionally available.

They are the ones we think would make the perfect man or woman. People that are not emotionally available are either in a relationship with someone else; are still attached to their ex/past or are so broken that a relationship with them is a disaster waiting to happen.

Sadly, it is difficult to spot these types of people from the start. I’ve seen people end up in relationships before finding out they were a rebound or a side piece.

I always advise people to take their time and get to know the person behind the looks and swag. You cannot afford to give too much too soon. Ask questions; look out for consistency in words and actions.


The issue we face with the good person is we feel they are as good as it will get for us. So, we keep investing until we are emotionally drained.

From my experience and speaking with people in successful relationship and marriages, I can tell you that when someone wants to be with you, you’d never have to second guess their intentions. That is a key thing about being with the right person.

The journey with the right person is a seamless one. Their actions are consistent with their words. At each stage of the dating process, you build a foundation of friendship that can sustain a relationship.

It may not feel like it, but the right person for you is out there. You just need to stop investing too much time in the good person that’s not right for you.


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Thanks for reading.

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Damilola Kuteyi

Thank you! I love this write up, helps me self-reflect