Fail to prepare… Prepare to fail!
A rainy Saturday afternoon; was at the bus stop and there was this lady also waiting for her bus. My guess was she had been waiting a while as she constantly kissed her teeth and grumbled her dissatisfaction about the bus service. After what seemed like forever, she breathed a sigh of relief coupled with a displeased face… here comes her bus but something interesting happened; it turned out she had been waiting all the while without her travel pass which meant that she could not board the bus and had to wait for the next one. My bus came; I boarded, could not help but empathise with the poor lady though.
Whilst on the bus I began thinking, the lady’s situation is very similar when it comes to waiting for our future partners. Many are waiting patiently but are also idle whilst waiting, believing when true love comes, everything will just fall into place. My answer is maybe but you will be taking a huge uncalculated risk. Let me explain further using basic economics…
In the modern ‘relationship market’, there are short supplies and high demands for good men/ women who understand and appreciate the concept of a fruitful long term relationship. As a result there’s a higher price to pay if you desire a happy relationship. Preparation while you wait for this rare good person is one of the key prices to pay.
What do I mean by being prepared? Having the emotional and mental mindset that allows yourself and a stranger to live peacefully in one heart
With the ever increasing rates of break ups and divorces in our society, preparation before getting to a relationship has never been more essential. It will help:
- Paint the right picture of type of person you need; so you get carried away by beauty, charms and sweet tongues
- Build the right mindset needed to endure the storms of relationships
- Showcase your uniqueness to potential partners
- Build confidence and security in yourself
For those who are still thinking ‘Well it is what it is, when love comes it does… YOLO’ I say you are taking an uncalculated risk with your heart, the time invested in preparing yourself far outweighs the time invested in nursing heartbreak. You do not have control over the time your true love will turn up or in what shape it will turn up but you can certainly control the condition it will find you in and if you desire the best of partners, then you have to build the best of characters otherwise you are in cloud cuckoo land.
Let us touch on few important points on how you should prepare…
1) FIND AND KNOW YOURSELF – Taking the time to know and understand one self is essential to preparing for your potential partner. Remember relationship involves two diverse people, if you do not fully understand yourself and your own personality it will be impossible for your partner to understand you. Sound pretty obvious right? You will be surprised how many people cannot confidently state their strengths and weaknesses and their values. Knowing oneself brings about confidence and help to develop the principles, characters and qualities that separate you from the crowd. People who are not sure of who they are are generally insecure and vulnerable, therefore easily manipulated.
One way to know yourself better is to embrace the opinion of the honest people around you, do not get offended by their opinion, instead try to change. You can also do a ‘SWP’ analysis of yourself; review your ‘Strengths’, ‘Weaknesses’ and ‘Principles’. Work on reducing the weaknesses in your character and showcase your strengths, old habit die hard so it will not be an easy transition but with determination and persistence, it can be done. Every individual MUST have their own principles; these are the rules and beliefs that determine the core of your personality. People without principles are slaves to other people’s opinions so be careful not to compromise for anybody.
2) MATURITY – Anybody waiting for a serious partner to come along has to be emotionally, mentally and financially matured.
People who are emotionally immature are constantly controlled by their feelings and emotions, they speak and act based on how they feel at that moment. Such attitude is detrimental to any relationship and will certainly push your potentials away when he/she arrives. We are all human and by nature have feelings and emotions but maturity is being in control of those emotions, as oppose to being controlled by it. Learn to be patient, and apply logic before acting or talking
Being mentally matured is a desirable trait and captivates people’s attention. It is the ability to process your thoughts well so you can speak and act intelligently, listening and understanding before speaking plays a massive role in this. Being mentally immature will lead one to say and do wrong things majority of the time which can be irritating.
Some might wonder why I’ve included finance as we generally do not like to associate money with love. Money should never be the reason to fall in love in the first place however the truth is money helps relationship grow. It also offers independency and provides options; this will make your love look at you in a beautiful light.
3) KNOW WHAT YOU NEED – The relationship market is crowded with all sorts of people; not everyone is good for you and not every good person is meant for you so to not waste your precious time, emotions, money and body, it is essential that whilst waiting, you already have a vivid mental image of the character of the partner you need, notice I said NEED not WANT because in the current age, it is very easy to miss out on who will be best for us as we are distracted by aesthetic qualities, material things and what we see in movies.
You can figure out what you need by having a list of:
- Must Have’s – Qualities you NEED in your partner
- ‘Can’t Stand’s’ – Qualities that contradicts your principles and what you stand for
- Don’t Mind’s – This should be your wants and desires. Basically qualities that would be nice but you can live without as it will have no direct impact on your relationship
I should touch on people that desire opposite characters or personality because opposites attract, I agree but only at the initial stages. After a while opposites will begin to irritate and this will end your relationship; compatibility is essential if you want a long lasting relationship
4) MAKE ROOM FOR ONE MORE – If you are the type who has too many associates and feel the need to spend your time with everyone, every party is a must attend and you only have little time for yourself, you run the risk of making your future partner feel lonely. Quality time together helps relationships grow so before your partner arrives, make room conducive for both of you so no one feels less important and alone.
It is also essential that you cut of any previous emotion ties you might have from previous relationships. If your heart is in other places, you will probably miss out on what’s in front of you.
For those of us who desire a long lasting and happy relationship, being prepared will give you a better chance and definitely make you stand out. If you are already in a relationship and things are not going according to plan, the points I’ve mentioned might help. It is never too late to make the changes that will make bring a happy relationship sometimes you might have to change the person but it is all part of the lesson we learn in love and life.
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Thanks for reading.